Potentially Writing Again

It occurred to me that I need to start writing again. Well that’s kind of a lie. It hit me like a sledge hammer during two particularly sad incidents this weekend. One was while talking to my twins. I was upset and they asked why. Not wanting to tell them the entire story, I gave the jist of it by saying “Don’t let anybody ever try to get to you to give up your dreams. No matter what they are. You can achieve them if you never stop trying. You can anything you want to do!”

RaRa put her arms around me and Taty said “What are you dreams Mommy?” It took me no time for me to respond. Seriously, the words flowed off my lips in the blink of an eye. I said “I wanna be a famous writer, a good DJ, a great mom and a good wife”.

Rara squeezed me and said, “Well, you have the other three and you went to college for writing so you need to start writing.” Taty said “Yeah Mommy, you used to write a lot”. I agreed with the two of them but it didn’t really hit me then.

Two nights later, my husband and I got into a serious discussion about his goals and aspirations. He seemed stuck in a rut according to him. I started to remind him of all the things I knew he enjoyed and ways to tap into his potential. I told him that the first thing that attracted me to him was his writing. When we met on the web, I never saw his picture clearly but his writing was so incredible. As a bibliophile, it drew me and I could hear him speaking even though we had never spoke.

His love and knowledge of sports is also incredible. I know sports too, I’ve always been a bit of a boy, but my husband is brilliant on the subject. The kicker is he’s so good at talking about it, I know he would enjoy writing about it. I promised him I would be more of a motivator as well as a cheerleader for his interests and aspirations.

Here I am giving him the same advice the twins gave me.

So I’m going to start writing again. I hope to live up to my “potential” and I hope you enjoy it. Listen to those who love you the most. They will give you the power to charge ahead and accomplish your dreams.

Who’s Your Daddy

I always knew who my father was. The story goes: I was born while he was in the Navy serving in the Vietnam War. He came home when I was 9 months and came straight to see me. Nobody knew he was coming but when he stepped through the door I said “Daddy!” and everybody turned and there he was. My father spent a lot of time with me during my life. There was never a question of paternity on anybody’s part..I was his spitting image. A mini female twin, I followed him or he took me everywhere. It would make me mad and embarrassed sometimes because we couldn’t walk to the damn store without him stopping at least 3 or 4 times to announce “This is my DAUGHTER!” I say it in caps cause he usually shouted that part in that heavy Dominican accent of his. People would go oh and ah and we would stand there for like 5 minutes each time while he praised my academic prowess.

I’ll never forget the day they brought my twin brothers home from the hospital. My father walked from Columbia Presbyterian Hospital on 168th St to 135th St with each of my brothers in his arms. I can only imagine how long it took for them to get home. He came into the back park and down the ramp and introduced them to me. “These are your brothers. You are my number 1 and these are my sons. You watch out for them”. My father always talked in formal language like that, ask anybody. I was 7 and I listened. I still look after my brothers now.

I tell this story because for us there was never an issue of paternity. My parents started going out when my mother was 13 and he was 17. They stayed together for 18 years. Never got married and didn’t have any other children but me and my brothers. I didn’t have any extra siblings that showed up after his death. Nor any other wives or women because my father never had another serious relationship after him and Mom broke up. It never bothered him either. I laugh as I remember our conversations and how I would tell him to find a woman and he would scoff and say he had better things to do with his time.

I remember when I found out he wasn’t on my birth certificate. It bothered me. All of us talked about it at various points over the years but it wasn’t a priority because he was our father. He knew it, we knew it and anyone who knew us knew it. It was important I guess but we never made it a priority to get it done.

Flash forward. We are now nearing the second anniversary of his death. Which was also during the week of his birthday. My grief is definitely more manageable. I was able to write this post without crying or becoming depressed. That’s a blessing. I still miss him but I talk to him a lot in my head. It’s kinda like praying to God and talking to him at the same time.

Now we find out that our grandfather, his father whom we barely knew, has died and left an inheritance. It’s not much but enough to make me and my brothers lives a little better for a minute. We just have to send proof that he was our father.

I’ll let you connect the dots on that for a minute.

We have some paperwork that my mother saved but we, me and my brothers, have decided to go further. On his birthday we will all go to petition the court to have him added to our birth certificates. Mom and his sister will attest to it and this matter will be done with. My father, who I will love all of my life, will finally been seen as such in the eyes of the world.

I almost feel like he did this. And if he did…thanks Daddy….

3 years and 3 months

I just finished celebrating two years as a married woman. That’s twice as long as my last marriage and was 100 times sweeter. This is also my longest relationship at 3 years, 3 months. Oh, I’ve been with men off and on longer, but never this long, living with one another and being a true family. To keep saying that I am blessed almost sounds like I’m bragging. I would not want to do that because I know that as soon as you do that, it’s taken away or compromised. I am more grateful that one could believe.

To say that things haven’t changed since we got married would be a lie. He has done a 360 with a stop at 90, did a 180, was at 270 for a minute and now he’s back to him. Please believe he’s not the only one. I went through the grief of losing my father to spending more time away from him, culminating in a clearer idea of what was deathly important to me.

I like to say I’m a simple woman. Not flashy like my hobby’s moniker suggests. ( Although if somebody wanted to buy me some tricked out headphones, that would be right up my alley!)  I have lost every piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned with the exception of my thin wedding band. (Yes, I lost my engagement ring too) I love simple useful gifts, or a good memory. Get me a card with some heartfelt words and make sure you get me flowers! I love the gifts my children make me and my husband’s weekly poems make my heart melt. I think my husband has finally understood my preferences.

For my second (cotton) anniversary, he made me dinner, cleaned the house, ran me a bubble bath-all before I came home from work. When I got home, he bathed me and massaged me from head to toe. Gave me a beautiful bouquet of roses and exotic flowers. Let me spend some relaxing time, then fed me and cuddled me right off to sleep.

Some of you would say well where is the gift? I say did I even need one? He is the gift. The gift that keeps on giving tirelessly of his time, his finances and his love. Not to mention for my birthday I got the ultimate gift. Classes to further my hobby, plus a blind eye to the fact that I spent way too much money the month after partying with my girls.

My husband is a wonderful man and I look forward to writing next year’s dedication and I’m sure he’ll have something just as special planned that I am sure to love. Things that leave memories and fond thoughts. After the material things are gone, that’s what we are left with. Thank God I have someone who understands that and is good at creating them.

I am a happy woman.

You Decide

I’ve the common “blogger’s block” for the last week or so. Too much to write and things happening faster than I have words for.

Where do I start first?

1. My anniversary with my husband. How it is our second year of marriage and how he made it unbelievable for me?

2. My sister’s visit and our crazy hilarious escapades including but not limited to 4 am car chases, folks passing out and the van-glorious family reunion picnic?

3. The changing of the guard at my job and how me and my newly ex-boss had a shouting match on her last day that I won?

4. Or, the unfortunate demise of a young friendship over circumstances and an attempt to backstab me?

There’s been a lot going on and I have no idea where to start first.

So I’ll let you decide. Arrange the posts you want by number order in the comments. Or not..and this post will serve as me catching up.

Natural Hair

So this is like 2 months of no heat, 4 months of no chemicals.  I have done a few natural styles…like this is me on 125th during the Michael Jackson Memorial. (Yes, I took the day off to attend) this was a double strand twist. It also rained on me but the hair was doing her best.

I haven’t experienced a lot breakage so for that I’m thankful. What I have noticed is an explosion of growth. My hair could reach BSL if I relaxed it. But I’m not going to…I promised myself til the end of summer and I’m sticking to it. My scalp feels tender and more sensitive, perhaps from the discontinuous of the monthly burning of my scalp. I also have hairs growing in and around my hairline which leads me to believe that it had receded a bit and it coming back in.

My niece came to visit and told her mother:  “Auntie Diva has an organic bathroom”. It’s true. I have all kinds of shea butter, protein products. I swapped the green petroleum grease for a bottle of castor oil based oil lubricant. I swear by Cantu Shea Butter daily leave in. I have products that I haven’t opened yet but I can wait to try.

I thought hubby wouldn’t like the change but it seems to be going over really well. He loves to smell my hair and lately he keeps his hands in it when he can. And because my scalp is so tingly…it feels gooood! 😉

So this is me today. I did the twists I saw in a video but I can’t remember where i saw the video…I’ll probably need to do one lol… As usual I didn’t let it dry all the way but I like it and there’s always tomorrow 🙂

Good Morning

Don’t you know there’s a party in my ears right now?

Move it lady, the train is about to leave

Don’t worry miss I don’t want to touch you neither

“I’m Boyfriend #2”

I take a moment for myself

Time for a Naomi Campbell walk down the platform

She got a donk

Yeah…I know

Look at the clock, late again

Coffee craving begins

My stop is next

Email

Natural Hair Day 1

Ok so a bunch of my friends and blog peeps are on/ or have been on this natural hair kick.  I started to notice a lot of terms being bandied around like “co-washing”, “transitioning” and “BC or big chop”. There was constant talk of curl this and no heat that. I’m not one to follow the joneses but me and my hair ain’t been getting along for a minute! I have been slapping it back with gel and attaching weaves and half weaves but I haven’t been giving my own hair any time.

I looked at everybody’s styles from Serenity to Curly Nikki to Sassywow to LB.  First, I realized that this was gonna take a lot of work. But I’ve always been good with hair so I knew I could handle learning new methods. The Co-washing which is really just putting conditioner in your hair with no shampoo: was what my hair really needed. I didn’t have a problem with the no heat aspect…with my pieces that I been wearing…I can say that I haven’t used heat for two months. So I should be on track…

There are two reasons I am trying this out for the summer. The first is the twins. The girls have “good” hair…meaning they are hovering around a 3b/3c grade. It’s long and thick and for years my methods of maintaining their hair was braids, ponytails and the occasional press and curl. They have obviously been paying attention to my hair trials and have strongly refused a relaxer. I am proud of them. They have resisted the peer pressure from the little relaxed girls around them, my momma, the family and have fiercely resisted the norm. I know that probably also comes from me talking about my hair with them. So this natural hair experience will benefit them because I plan to learn a lot of techniques so that when they go to middle school in the fall, they will have some nice curly do’s.

I got my first perm at 14, given to me by my sister and it promptly burned my scalp and broke off my hair. Previous to this I had a head full of thick 3c hair, it streched down my back and was the envy of my neighbors. My mother made a big fuss about me not getting a perm and when I had it done she cried. I am the product of a bi-ethnic relationship. My father was Dominican and my mom is obviously mixed with something. I always wanted her hair. Black and silky…it would be considered a 2c/3a. I didn’t get that because my daddy had 4b hair but I fell somewhere in the middle. I have to find the last picture of me with natural hair.

My hair eventually repaired itself from treatments and cuts but I  have not seen my natural hair in 21 years. When I recognized that fact I felt so sad. I haven’t had a perm in almost 2 months and although the hair around my hairline is still bone straight…when I rub my hands in the middle of my hair I can already feel the curl in the new growth and it makes me grin.  So I’m gonna stick it out. I plan to have a long transition which won’t be hard because my hair is already short- just above shoulder length. Plus my hair grows really fast.

For this week, I am wearing a 2 strand twist style. I clarified (because I been co washing all week and weekend). I conditioned with Pantene hydrating conditioner. I used Miss Jessie’s Curly Meringue. When I woke up, my hair was still wet so the twists didn’t take very well. I plan to try it again tonight despite my husband saying that this morning I looked like Celie from the Color Purple (L.M.A.O cause he was right LOL)

So what do you think of my first attempt at a natural do?

Michael Jackson

Stolen from hubby’s new blog:

Michael Jackson is not dead.

Billy Jean Confirmed.

Diana got Dirtier after hearing the news.

Bad.

Biters and Haters

I got upset today via facebook and twitter. I probably should have come harder than I did but I have this problem with trying to be nice. It used to be worse. I was famous for letting folks get over on me. Didn’t want anyone to be mad at me and always tried to keep the peace. I was picked on a lot as a kid, whether it was for my smarts, my looks or the fact that I was short, naive and a prime target for bullies.

This stopped after 7th grade but for some reason folks still think they can try me. Thangs in the game done changed sweethearts. I don’t stand for the bullshit no more. In fact, I’m often accused now of being too sensitive, too outspoken and too ready to fight. And I am. Most of time, like today, I’m faced with fake ass bitches who claim to like/love me, or bitches who happen to be in my circle and try to take side digs at me. Even worse, I recently learned that a male who I thought was a blog friend was secretly hating on me. Now I find out my name is constantly in his mouth, he stay critiquing my marriage and my life and my exploits. Always some sort of side comment about what I’m doing when he really needs to be concerned about himself and his own girl.

But this post ain’t about him (but if he don’t shut the fuck up I will be blasting his ass in the near future). This is a venting of sorts for the haters and biters: DO YOU YO!

I don’t sit around worrying about what you doing, how you doing it and who you doing it with! I ask for the same respect..and if you gotta bite off me..at least do it with love and not the hate and backbiting with which you do it now.

Be careful out there (said like on Hill Street Blues)

I have a cousin who was involved in a bad relationship recently. I won’t go into many details but to put it very bluntly, she got involved with a bum. He’s 45, working odd jobs, no savings and no real place of residence. I’m upset that she had to go through all she had to go through to get him out of her life but I have been where she is. She gave him more time than he deserved..months even…while she listened to his lies and supported him.

I had a bum once. I blogged about the relationship but never explained why we broke up. He was a bum. Oh he was working..delivering ice..he had a place…turned out to be a room that he was illegally squatting in. And I knew this dude for years…but it never occurred to me he was a bum. Until we started a relationship. Then he didn’t want to work. I started to see mood swings and this alerted me to a deeper problem. He had a drug habit. No job but a habit? I added it all up and packed his little bag and dropped him off at the nearest train station. All in all, it took me 30 days from start to finish. Like I said, I knew him for 4 years before his trial period but it took me less than 30 days to discover I was dealing with a vagrant.

My guess is that’s because this happened in my early 30’s. In my 20’s I had a bum too. LOTR was very bum-ish. Never really could hold down a job…bouncing from house to house including mine. Talked me out of a lot of ish…even going to college! Took me longer to get him out of system, but I chalked it up to youth. I’ve met quite a few sweet talkers and silver tongued individuals in my dating life cycle and thanks to my experience with the first bum, I was able to dip and dodge them fools most of the time.

My cousin called to tell me her story. I was surprised a bit because she’s 38 and  I guess I kept waiting for her to confess the reason for keeping the bum around for 3 months. There were so many warning signs early in the supposed courtship. Obvious signs that this man was not a good choice. She glossed over each red flag with a “oh he gassed me”. She fell for it every time. Long story short, he had stolen money, was an alcoholic, stole her computer and had to be removed from the house by my twin brothers because this bum had refused to leave the premises.

I felt bad for her and upset with myself at the same time. Here I am, back in the city and I haven’t called her once or hung out with her at all. I’m wrapped in my own world and here my own first cousin was being hoodwinked by some nasty idiot. If you detect feelings of guilt on my part, you would be absolutely on the money. I been hanging with my friends and haven’t given my family much attention at all. I will address some of the possible reasons later but I’m aware that this has to change.

My cousin is free of her bum and I’m thankful that now that she realizes she was taken advantage of, she will be more likely to remain free of him. All I can say now is Ladies beware. Bums are real and are out there waiting for one of us to feel lonely.